Fat Amy Meets GTA
by MonkeyKibbinz
Summary: When Fat Amy recently discovers the game Grand Theft Auto, her, Beca and Aubrey go on a roundabout adventure full of green goo, Girl Scouts, wigs, talking llamas, drug laced cookies and one insane redheaded girlfriend.
1. I Did Not Poop!

_**When Fat Amy recently discovers the game Grand Theft Auto, her, Beca and Aubrey go on a roundabout adventure full of green goo, Girl Scouts, wigs, talking llamas, drug laced cookies and one insane redheaded girlfriend. **_

Beca strolled into her and Chloe's apartment and tossed her keys onto the dresser to her left. The dresser was littered with knick knacks that Chloe had started collecting since Beca's Sophomore year while claiming they reminded her of the small Alt Dj. Beca didn't know if she should've been offended by the fact that there was an empty Taco Bell tub on the dresser or if she should've been overwhelmed by the love Chloe tossed at her.

"A little bit of both." Beca muttered to herself while walking into the lounge room.

"What did you say honey?" A voice rang out from the kitchen that didn't sound like Chloe. Before Beca could've even shouted about what a strange accent Chloe was sporting, Fat Amy bursted into the living room wearing an apron and adorning an old and rotten ginger wig

"Now, do you want scrambled eggs for dinner or fried eggs? Oh, maybe I could make both!" Amy squealed and turned around to probably rush back into the kitchen where, only now Beca noticed, a foul smell emitted.

"Uh...Amy?" Beca stopped the blonde by placing a hand on her shoulder. Fat Amy turned around sighed and then slapped herself in the face.

"Right, I almost forgot our hello kiss!" She exclaimed and wrapped her arms around Beca's neck while leaning in for the kiss.

"Dude, no gross!" The Dj protested while trying to wrestle out of the blonde's grasp. "Chloe!" She squealed while Fat Amy managed to land a slobbery kiss on Beca's ear. "Chlo-!" Beca was silenced by Fat Amy's hand being clamped firmly over her mouth.

"Stop shouting, babe. I'm right here." Amy whispered while letting go of a terrified Beca. "Now, I'm going to go make the eggs! I hope they didn't burn!" And with that the blonde skipped into the kitchen leaving Beca shaking in her combat boots.

"What. The. Fuck?" She gasped while wiping Amy's saliva from her ear. The hobbit, who claims she's actually vertically challenged, slowly started to sneak her way to the back of the apartment where she hoped Chloe was sleeping. "Please don't let Amy be a crazy serial killer. Please." She prayed as she opened her and Chloe's bedroom door. Turning on the light she gazed at an empty bedroom before rushing to the bathroom and then to the kitchen.

"Becaboo! I'm almost finished the eggs!" Amy squealed while pointing to the fry pan full of a green goo substance that Beca really didn't think were eggs.

"What have you done with Chloe, Amy!" Beca shouted while slowly inching towards the knife rack.

"What do you mean, babe? I am Chloe silly." Amy replied while 'flipping' the 'eggs'.

"I think I'd know who my girlfriend of three years is and you're not her." Beca snorted. "Now seriously, stop acting weird and clean up this mess. I'm gonna call Aubrey." With that the Dj stormed from the kitchen and went to lock herself in the bathroom. Slamming the door shut she flicked the lock and slid to the floor beside the shower. Pulling her phone from her pocket she tapped on Aubrey's name, which was labelled 'Aca-Bitch', and pressed the phone to her hear.

_"Aubrey Posen."_ Aubrey answered.

"Dude, seriously, haven't you saved my number yet?" Beca asked while picking at her ripped jeans.

_"I have your number saved, Beca."_ The blonde answers.

"Then why say your name when you answer?"

_"It's professional. Something you don't understand." _

"I can be profession-You know what? I'm not arguing with you. Do you know where Chloe is?"

_"No, she was supposed to come over half an hour ago because she wanted to talk." _

"Yeah, well I haven't seen her either."

_"I figured that hobbit."_

"Don't call me hobbit, Hitler!"

_"Fine. Don't call me Hitler."_

"Fine." The sound of a crash echoed through the apartment and Amy let out a shrill, 'sorry babe'.

_"Who is that? Are you cheating on Chloe?!"_ Aubrey's accusing tone shot through the phone.

"What? Dude, no. I'd never cheat on Chloe. That's Amy, she's dressed at Chloe while cooking something that's not eggs. Plus, she tried to kiss me!" Beca hissed.

_"Amy? Did she manage to kiss you?_" The Dj could pretty much feel Aubrey's evil grin coming through the phone at that moment.

"No...well yes! On the ear. It was wet."

_"Wow. Do you want me to come over?"_

"On my god, yes! I'm afraid Amy's turned into a serial killer. Hurry please!"

_"Alright, I'll be there in ten."_ With that Aubrey hung up the phone and Beca turned to face the bathroom door. "What the fuck is going on?" She whimpered.

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

When Aubrey Posen said she would be there in ten, she was there. At ten, on the dot. Opening the door, with the key Chloe had given her when she and Beca moved in, Aubrey strolled into the kitchen, pepper spray tucked safety in her coat pocket and with one hand in said pocket.

"Becaaaa? Is that you? I didn't hear you leave. I cleaned up the eggs like you wanted me to." At the end of the sentence Fat Amy appeared in the lounge room wearing a disgusting ginger wig and an apron covered in a strange green substance. "Oh, Bree! I haven't seen you in ages." With that Aubrey was enveloped in a bear crushing huge and lifted off the ground.

"Amy. Put. Me. Down." Aubrey ordered. Amy complied and put the older blonde down while letting go and adorning a confused face.

"Why is everyone calling me Amy?" The former Bellas captain sighed and yanked the ginger wig from Amy's head while raising an eyebrow.

"Amy, you're not Chloe and you're scaring Beca. Right now she's probably locked in her bathroom shitting herself. You know the hobbit can't control her bowels." Aubrey scolded the younger blonde while chucking the disgusting wig in the bin.

"Aww shit. You're right Aubrey. I was trying something new." Amy sighed and took the apron off while chucking that in the bin after the wig. "I shouldn't have given Chloe to those gangsters."

"You what?!" Beca screeched while rushing into the lounge room with a baseball bat in hand.

"I mean, they were so nice and everything and they promised I could pretend to be her if I gave Chloe to them so they could take her to the beach for the day. I never meant to make Beca poop."

"What? I did not poop." Beca protested while dropping the baseball bat on the floor.

"Amy, we need to get Chloe. Where did you give her to them?" Aubrey asked while taking a hand from her pocket.

"Right here. At the front door." Amy strolled to the front door and opened it. "See they were standing here in their little yellow and brown costumes with cookies and cute pink flags. A bit babyish for gangsters but I guessed the cookies were laced in weed so I bought all of them with Beca's money."

"You what?"

"Yeah and then they asked if Chloe could go with them. Did you know Chloe was once one of those gangsters? Crazy shit right there. It was almost like that time in Tas-"

"On with it Amy." Aubrey cut in.

"Right, then Chloe decided to go with them and I thought I might as well eat the weed cookies."

"Did they get you high?" Beca inquired.

"Sadly no, so I just pretended to be high. Then I realised that Beca would be coming home soon and Chloe had left her phone here so I grabbed a wig and pretended to be Chloe in hopes of her not knowing. Then...Beca pooped."

"I did not poop!"

"Oh wow." Aubrey sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Amy, you let Chloe go to the beach with Girl Scouts and the cookies were just cookies. No weed."

"Serious? Damn, I was gonna go back and see if they had Crystal Meth." Amy pouted.

"What? Are Crystal Meth and Weed the same thing?" The looks Beca received still left her confused so she left the question alone.

"That doesn't matter. Chloe will be back soon." Aubrey stated Just as Beca's phone started ringing. Pulling it from her pocket she saw it was an Unknown number and answered.

"Hello?" The Dj asked into the phone.

_"Hello, Rebecca."_

"Who is this?"

_"I'm Kelley, but that doesn't matter. I have your precious Chloe here and if you lezbos want to see each other again you'll come to 42 Errand St in an hour." _

"Dude, you're like seven years old. What could you do to Chloe?"

_"I'm nine! Plus, I know several different torture methods." _

"What the ability to apply make up like shit?"

"Hypocrite." Aubrey muttered while listening in on the phone call.

_"No! I know ancient Japanese torture methods. So I would hurry Rebecca, before it's too late." _

"It's Beca!" The Dj shouted as the phone disconnected. She placed her phone back in her jeans pocket and looked at Aubrey and Amy. "We're dealing with psychotic Girl Scouts."


	2. The Wheels on the Bus!

**Okay, here's the second chapter. Thanks for the review containing ':D' I assume that means it was funny and that I should continue. Anyway, I don't own Pitch Perfect or it's characters, they belong to Kay Cannon and Universal Stuidos blah blah. I also don't own any of the songs, they belong to their respectful owners whom I shall name at the end of the chapter.**

* * *

_She placed her phone back in her jeans pocket and looked at Aubrey and Amy. "We're dealing with psychotic Girl Scouts." _

"Well...that was sorely unexpected." Beca muttered as she rubbed her cheek. For the past five minutes Beca had been freaking out over the strange situation they were in, until Aubrey managed to slap her.

"Get yourself together Beca. How are we supposed to save Chloe if you're screaming and running in circles?" Aubrey snapped and placed her hands on her hips.

"Yeah Shawshank, Aubrey's right. We need to be calm and collected and go get some pancakes." Amy nodded and glanced at Aubrey. After seeing the elder blonde's scowl, Amy mouthed sorry and decided the floor was much prettier to look at than Beca's face.

"You guys need to start reacting to this situation. Chloe could be getting tortured as we speak!"

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

"The wheels on the bus go round and round! Round and round! Round and round!" Chloe sang as she drove the bus through South Atlanta. "I love this song!"

"I'm sure you do miss. My favourite is Ba Ba Black Sheep." One of the Girl Scouts, who Chloe remembered as Kelley, said while showing a toothy grin.

"I'm sure it is cutie." Chloe sighed and smiled at the girl. "I just love little kids!" She sang. "Now where are we going again?"

"42 Errand St, miss."

"Isn't that a warehouse?" The redhead frowned.

"Yeah, it's where we keep our cookies!" Kelley exclaimed while holding up a cookie box.

"Ahh, okay...now, let's sing again!" Chloe suggested while turning up the speaker on the bus.

_Drop it low put it in the dirt_

_Sex drive put it in reverse _

_Killed the ass put it in a hea-_

"Okay...maybe not that radio station. Let's try this one!"

_If you love somebody _

_Better tell them while they're here 'cause _

_They just may run away from you _

_You'll never know quite when, well _

_Then again it just depends on _

_How long of time is left for you _

"Couldn't we have taken the bigger one? She at least looked shady." One of the girls suggested to Kelley.

"No. This one's to dumb to realise what we are really doing. Easy money girls." Kelley replied while rubbing her hands together.

_I've had the highest mountains _

_I've had the deepest rivers _

_You can have it all but life keeps moving _

_I take it in but don't look down _

_'Cause I'm on top of the world,'ay _

_I'm on top of the world,'ay_

_Waiting on this for a while now_

_Paying my dues to the dirt I've been waiting to smile,'ay _

_Been holding it in for a while,'ay_

_Take you with me if I can _

_Been dreaming of this since a child _

_I'm on top of the world!_

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

"Why didn't you park your car in a parking bay! We could've avoided this!" Beca shouted at Aubrey.

"I'm sorry I hurried because you actually sounded like you'd shitted your pants!" Aubrey screeched while pointing an accusing finger in Beca's face. "Now my car's been towed by the police and yours is being repaired because you can't drive properly. We only have you to blame!"

"Guys, please, can we stop. I know how to get us another car." Amy cut in. Both of the women looked towards Amy who strolled across the road towards the carpark. The younger blonde walked towards a blue Sudan of some sort and smashed the window open.

"Jesus Amy! What are you doing! That's illegal!" Beca exclaimed as her and Aubrey watched Amy unlock the car and start crossing wires under the drives seat.

"It's okay, I've done this before." Amy reassured the both of them.

"You've done this before?" Aubrey asked disbelief clouded her face.

"Aww yeah, on GTA."

"GTA?"

"Grand Theft Auto. It's a game. Amy's psychotic." Beca concluded while she stood beside the drivers seat.

"A game? She's only done this in a ga-"

"Alright you skinny sluts. Get in the car." Amy announced as she turned the car on.

"What? No way. I'm not getting in this car." Aubrey protested as Beca slid into the shotgun seat.

"Dude, just get in. This is the only way we're going to save Chloe."

"You could be bipolar with how indecisive you are." Aubrey scolded Beca while sliding into the back seat.

"Yeah well...you could be retarded with how supercalifragilisticexpialidocious you are!" Beca countered while a sticking her tongue out of her mouth.

"Firstly, that isn't a word and secondly, stick your tongue back in your mouth." Beca did as Aubrey ordered and turned around.

"Stop using big words then."

"Indecisive isn't a 'big word', it's clearly ten letters long. There are words out there containing twenty-eight letters. That's more than twice indecisive's amount."

"Just shut up!" The small Dj complained.

"Fine, Frodo. If you insist."

"I'm not a hobbit!"

"I beg to differ."

"Fine, if I'm Frodo you're Legolas!"

"I am not an elf nor am I a ma-"

"Aww shit guys. The plod are on our tail." Amy said while swerving the car to the left. "Don't worry I'll loose them!"

"The plod?" Beca asked just as sirens lit up their stolen car. "Shit Amy! What speed are you going?!"

"Uh...just over ninety..."

"Amy! This is a school zone! Slow down to 50!" Aubrey screeched while grabbing the back of Amy's headrest.

"I can't, cause the cops will catch us."

"So, getting arrested is better than starting a high speed chase!" Beca shouted while trying to grab the steering wheel.

"No! I can do this, let me get to a spray paint shop!" The younger blonde argued while taking a sharp right.

"Amy, that only works in-game. Spraying our STOLEN car another colour isn't going to dissuade the police!"

"Eight letters. That's an improvement Frodo." Aubrey commended the small Dj before shaking Amy's seat. "Pull over!"

"No! I can loose the-" Amy suddenly lost control of the car as Aubrey smashed the baseball bat, Beca took into the car with her, against her temple.

"Jeez Bree! What the fuck was that?" Beca asked as she grabbed the steering wheel and tried to direct the car over to the side of the road.

"Damn, her foot's still on the pedal." The hobbit groaned as she tried to move Amy's foot off of the pedal with her own foot. Once she was successful, the car started to slow down and eventually stopped as Beca pressed her foot on the brake.

"Oh my god. I'm glad that's over." Aubrey sighed just as the police car stopped behind them. A knock on the driver's side alerted both of them to the police officer standing outside. Beca lowered the window while squeezing her way past the unconscious Amy.

"Hi officer!" Beca squeaked as she opened the car door. She slid out and onto the footpath once her foot was free of Amy's unconscious grasp. Aubrey stepped out of the car and went to help the Dj up. Once both were standing the officer glanced at the unconscious Amy and then back at the two before him.

"Is she alright?" He asked and pointed a pencil towards the younger blonde.

"Oh yeah...just fell asleep...while driving." Beca mumbled.

"A huh. Right, you were going forty kilometres over the speed limit. I'm afraid I'm going to have to arrest the three of you." His said while pulling out handcuffs.

"No! Please, we'll do anything but that! See we have to get to my girlfriend's...uh..."

"Funeral." Aubrey finished for Beca while wiping a fake tear from her eye. "Please, it's the last time we'll ever get to see...see...h...he...her." After Aubrey finished her slow break down and she collapsed into the police officer's arms in tears.

"Uhh...it's okay...it's okay." He started to awkwardly pat Aubrey's back and looked up as he heard Beca crying.

"I'm okay." She said hiding her face from the officer but shuddering from 'tears'. "It's just that we were engaged and it all happened so fast." She finished and collapsed into the officer's arms as well.

"Well, I guess I could you guys off this time." He sighed as both girls looked up from his arms.

"Serious?" Aubrey sniffled.

"Serious. You guys can go." He nodded and let go of both girls. They stood back and slyly grinned at each other.

"Thank you officer, so so so much!" Aubrey squealed and pecked the officer on the cheek. He blushed and started to walk towards his car.

"It's okay. I'll see you." He said as he lowered himself into his car. After a few seconds his drove away.

"Dude, I thought you were gay." Beca frowned as she walked towards the driver's seat.

"No, I'd prefer the term 'allsexual'." Aubrey huffed as she followed Beca.

"Stop quoting Chloe before I break down into tears and get over here and help me get Amy into the back seat.

Much struggling ensued as the two enemies pulled Amy from the driver's seat and slammed her into the footpath. Muttering their apologies they opened the back seats' right door and started to stuff Amy inside.

"Jeez she eats to many cheese cakes." Beca huffed as they finally sat her upright in the back seat. They closed the door and stepped back. "I can't believe you smashed her with a bat."

"At least she looks like she's awake." Aubrey countered. A loud smack alerted them both to Amy's face pressed up against the car window with drool running down her chin.

"We're screwed." Beca concluded while slipping into the driver's seat.

"Why do you get to drive?" Aubrey complained while getting into the shotgun side.

"Because it's my girlfriend who's being tortured."

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

_Romp-Bomp-A-Chomp! Romp-Bomp-A-Chomp!_

_Romp-Bomp-A-Chomp! Romp-Bomp-A-Chomp! _

_Romp-Bomp-A-Chomp! Romp-Bomp-A-Chomp! _

_Dorothy the Dinosaur. _

_They called up the police to take her right away,_

_They called up at the zoo, _

_To find a place to stay,_

_I said they couldn't take her,_

_I said "No way!" _

_That's Dorothy the Dinosaur. _

_Romp-Bomp-A-Chomp! Romp-Bomp-A-Chomp! _

_Romp-Bomp-A-Chomp! Romp-Bomp-A-Chomp!_

_Romp-Bomp-A-Chomp! Romp-Bomp-A-Chomp!_

_Dorothy the Dinosaur!_

"I don't think I can take another hour with her." Kelley sighed as she smashed her head against the bus window.

"Let's go again!" Chloe squealed from the front of the bus.

_Fruit Salad,Yummy Yummy _

_Fruit Salad,Yummy Yummy _

_Fruit Salad,Yummy Yummy _

_Yummy Yummy Yummy Yummy Fruit Salad!_

* * *

**The songs included in this chapter were;**

**Bubble Butt - Major Lazer ft Bruno Mars, Tyga & Mystic**

**On Top of the World - Imagine Dragons**

**The Wheels on the Bus - Unknown**

**Dorothy the Dinosaur - The Wiggles**

**Fruit Salad - The Wiggles**

**Also, I couldn't resist the LoTR reference because I watched The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug and it was worth those 2 hours and 40 minutes of waiting for the chance to leave the cinema and pee.**


End file.
